Monday, July 16, 2012

Living without a Dad..

This issue I'm about to address is gonna be very different from what i normally talk about.
I have been contemplating on whether i should talk about it.

THEN i realized I'm sure there is someone else out there, 
that had to deal with this same issue.

so here it goes..

When i was born, i was born as Amy Childress..
My mother had married a man named, Bennie Childress. Before i was born.


Well they ended up getting a divorce when i was a 3 or so..

After the divorce,  i went and seen him ever other weekend..
He remarried, she already had children from a prior relationship (they were adopted)
Soon, i started to realize i started seeing him less and less then one day he just quit having 
contact with me..

So years pass of not seeing him..
Then one day my mother comes and gets me from school ..(I'm in 8th Grade now) 
and tells me she and Bennie need to talk to me..

By now, I'm truly ecstatic because i hadn't spoken or talked to 
Bennie since i was a little girl (maybe 7 or 8)

So mom takes me to my grandmother's and i call Bennie..



this is were it gets a little rough...


He had told me he wasn't my real  father.
That's all i remember from this conversation..

my heart literally fell to the floor.


WHY? why would he tell me now??
why would u lie to me all these years? 
why
WHY

I had so much angry and hate for him at this moment and time. 
i blame it on his new wife and her daughter.
Me and the boy got along great.
but, the daughter...she was always jealous, jealous i had his name and she didn't..


So now, to this day, i still haven't had anyone to call "Dad" but i did have a
father figure..and that my was my Grandpa, sadly he isn't here anymore.

I did happen to run into Bennie's brother in April...
and his "Adopted" Daughter.
That convo between us was very deep and emotional...FOR HER
Ill have to post about that run in soon..because she told me things i wanted to FINALLY hear


As for his brother, which i know call my "Uncle Alvin"
although we still haven't had our dinner date yet, we keep in touch often!!


As for Bennie, well i haven't spoken to him in quite some time now..
that's his choice tho...

Growing up without a dad wasn't a terrible thing, my mother did a DAMN good job raising me..
although, sometimes i see my sister and her dads realtionship and i do get a little jealous.
reason? because i never got to have that father  - daughter time like she does.
but..
life goes on, RIGHT?


xox.
Amy