Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Cancer sucks, once again.

Today while im sitting here thinking about what i need to blog about.
The ONLY thing that comes to mind is my mom.

I know i have talked about her before on here, well she has cancer.

u can read here about some of her story..

Well mom started radation a few weeks back and finsihed her last
round last Wednesday on her 50TH bday, (what a great present huh?)

Well, sometime last week i had finally got up enough courage to watch My Sister's Keeper
and OH MY, put it in very much prespective for me.

So starting Sunday mom was having trouble with getting her bowels moving, well she literally
looked five months prego, i couldnt believe it..well she tried everything to get them moving..
well it worked but she was still terribly miserable.

So she went to the local ER here, which i HIGHLY dont recommend, but they always seem to take the best care for her there.
I guess me working there in the past kinda has helped ;)
 i forgot to say also, the ER Doc, said her Liver was swollening..(Dear Lord, please dont let this be the end.)
They admitted her, here in town, and told us they would ship her to another Hospital
that would be more Knowledgeable with her condition.
So me and my sisterpants are gonna get ready and head up there soon..

But, Yesterday when i came over and seen her lying in the bed, i looked my mom right into the eyes, told her i loved her then came into the computer room and cried. (i tried to restrain from anyone hearing me)

Why was i crying well.
Here is what was running through my head.
Is my Mom dying?
Will this be the last year i see my mother happy and alive?
Why does this have to happen to US? Why not someone who hates there life?
What will i do when she is gone? How will i cope?
Will SHE EVER beat it?
Will life go on if she dies?
Why cant she JUST LIVE?

Im sorry, im tearing up right now, it just hits me really hard, after my grandpa passed away..its been
hard. U see he was my father figure, as well as my mom, she always had double parental duty. (my father left when i was younger)

So how should i cope?
I have NEVER came to my mother with these questions i can bare to see her know i hurt.
I need something, i need to talk about it.. BUT with who?
None of my friends understand and the ones that do are a hour away

i will keep yall posted, i need to shower, and prolly have alittle cry..
love all my followers. please pray.